Asking for Forgiveness of “Godly Grief”

Asking for Forgiveness of “Godly Grief”

Doing some research on “Godly Grief” and seeking out even more answers to its explanation. As explained by Honorable Ozburn in lecture group. I feel that being estranged and suffering from parental alienation ten years ago that it would have been very easy for me to be mad at God and give up on my faith. I must admit that I have questioned God and wnted to know why and to know his Will and purpose to my scenario.

Being hospitalized in August of 2004 for family violence, depression and Codependency as the caregiver of others with drug and drinking problems began my problem given the courts restricted my contact with my daughters due to being in the hospital. It was like overnight I lost my four girls. I have written time and time again that even though I have been blameless in my marriage and motherhood I have still had to suffer this estrangement.

As there has never been one question, hint, suggestion, implication nor accusation as to any wrong doing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife during the entire twenty plus years I have known Mr. Sasser and Mr. Sasser has been fairly represented throughout the years and during our divorce and visitation hearings.

So him nor his family have ever had any complaints or accusations as to my mothering or to my wifely obligations.

I have thanked God over and over for leaving me blameless and blameless in a court of law and asked God for His Will to be shown to me.

I have never turned from God nor cursed him. I have always prayed for strength, healing and his purpose be shown to me. And have drawn closer to the Lord over the years. Praying fervently for Jesus to take these prayers of mine to his heavenly father and to grant me my prayers. I can certainly relate to Godly Grief though as I have questioned him and felt all along that I could have just as easily turned from God but instead I chose to lean more on him and his Will.

I had the pleasure of listening to Honorable Ozburn speak on “Godly Grief” and during the time in his life of the death of his mother. He kept his faith strong and steadfast even during the grief but did experience Godly Grief.

I have found this:

Godly grief leads us to realize we have sinned not just against other people, but against God. We put ourselves under judgment, we repent, and then we can turn from the sin we now hate and trust God to guide us and forgive us. This grief enables us, like the Corinthians, to be reconciled with everyone.

Worldly grief makes us regret our sin because it pains us—it brings us punishment, or upsets our life. We don’t recognize that in sinning we are opposing and rejecting God, and so we work to escape the pain, but not to turn toward God.

Paul could hardly be more blunt about the difference between the two kinds of grief. Worldly grief leads, quite simply, to death. But godly grief, the kind he was so happy to see in the Corinthians, “produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret” (7: 10).

I have had my hand in the O.C.G.A. since 1992 when my biological son was born and then upon meeting my ex husband and raising his three daughters as my own and adopting them in 1999. Given their natural mother was abusive and full of remiss and neglect through many years which is documented in the court system and Mr. Sasser and his family are all aware of this long history of abuse record that has been authenticated and proven in open court prior to my adopting the three girls. Yet Mr. Sasser has allowed a relationship between then even during young teenagers and allowing two of my girls to quit school with parental permission. To just give up on their education.

I have certainly left my mark on the O.C.G.A. and have asked God what the purpose of this has been for me, my children and future generations to come.

Adoption in the State of Georgia is a very difficult task and includes the following :

Independent Adoption Report – State of Georgia

I. Verification of allegations contained in the petition

II. Circumstances under which the minor children came to be placed for adoption

III. Whether the proposed adoptive parent is financially, phsically and mentally able to have the permanent custody of the minor child

IV. The physical and mental condition of the minor children to be adopted

V. Whether or not the adoption is in the best interest of the minor children

VI. Suitability of the home to the minor children

VII. Other information – References

Four references were obtained on myself, Leslie Syles, school counselor, Julie Manders, school counselor, Mark Zielenske, family friend, Charles and Dot Sasser. All of the references support the adoption of the minor children by the petitioner, April Christina Fuller Sasser

I have also prayed for answers to being alienated from my girls by Rockdale County due to being a family violence victim and in the hospital for recovery and why no attorney involved did anything to help me and my girls. I have been introduced to View Point Health and The GA Mental Health Consumer Network over the last few years and have came to discover the following regarding Certified Peer Specialists through the State of Georgia.

I want this state of GA to know that there have been 1000+ Georgia Certified Peer Specialists Since October 2001. 

And the requirements include:

> Candidates must have diagnosis of mental illness or a dual diagnosis of mental illness and addictive disease and must desire to identify themselves as a person with mental illness current or former consumer of mental health services.

> Applicants must hold a high school diploma or GED and may be requested to provide a copy of this document.

> Must demonstrate strong reading comprehension and written communication skills as indicated on their responses on the pre – test which is part of the application.

> Must have demonstrated experience with leadership, advocacy or governance.

> Must be well grounded in recovery

These facts are taken directly from the Certified Peer Specialist brochure.

The motto of the CPS being “Each One Reach One.”

Any attorney involved could have helped me and my children as they all knew exactly where I was hospitalized and for the reasons of recovery from family violence and Codependency as the caregiver for Mr. Sasser. However no attorney involved bothered to help my girls and they were lost in a system that ruined their childhoods and their future immensely. Never still to this day to recover from losing their mother over night. None of them having any formal education and two quitting high school along with having many children over the last several years with no education, no job skills and no career path in mind. Mr. Sasser has allowed this remiss and neglect by and through his own action of neglect and hate towards me to impede his decisions where our girls have been concerned even though I have never been questioned not once about any wrong doing as  a mother nor as a wife. I am not the perfect person and was not perfect during  our marriage by any means but have remained blameless in life and in a court of law for over twenty years now.

Given Honorable Bills is the head of The Rockdale County Task Force against family violence why did Paul Oeland not inform her of my whereabouts or what had gone on? Why did Attorney Paul Oeland not challenge Mr. Sasser given all the facts above and then some. 5 lives were ruined by attorney’s incompetency throughout the course of the divorce. Attorney Paul Oeland, Attorney Mike Waldrop and Attorney Michael Waters all did pretty much nothing for parental reunification process of me and my girls and did not help them so they would not become a statistic. Of which they have and I have no control over their lives being ruined.

I am not certain about my girls but I am sure that they too have suffered Godly Grief just as I have over the years. Given the divorce was based on irretrievably broken Mr. Sasser has never had complain one about my mothering nor my wifely obligations.

Praying so hard for ten years now not to suffer “Godly Grief.” And to not turn my back on God even though I have suffered immensely by the hand of man. I have felt that I have suffered by the hand of man and not by God. As God has never left my side and has given me and allowed for many wins of victory in open court regarding my girls since 2004 to present and allowed for me a career in the health field as I work to obtain my Certified Peer Specialist certification for the State of GA. God has continually provided for me even given the damning of man with no just cause to support their decision at one point in my life.

Planning on joining Eastridge Community Church next Sunday and becoming a Ministry Partner and continuing to give my life over to the Lord and continuing to pray for the reunification process of me and my four girls that I would love very much considering we lost contact over night as if we never knew each other just a little over ten years ago now.

I pray to be able to strike down any hint of “Godly Grief” that I may experience or begin to experience and be thankful everyday to the Lord for my successes in my education, my career in the health field and in the courtroom over the many years as he has answered every prayer I have ever had and has never in the long run let me down or left my side.

I suppose that in questioning God that is a form of “Godly Grief” and I need to get rid of any Godly Grief I may be experiencing and not let it hit me again. Working hard right now on “Godly Grief” and forgiving God and thanking him for everything but being honest in  my talks with the Lord that I have experienced Godly Grief and continue to do so daily. Honorable Ozburn speaking on “Godly Grief” was certainly a class meant for me to be present at and hear. As I have never turned my back to God nor sinned against him due to the parental alienation I have questioned his Will and Purpose and why was man allowed to ruin the lives of me and my four girls.

Working on Godly Grief this Spring and planning on bringing it up at Starting Point class next Sunday at church and thankful that Honorable Ozburn spoke on Godly Grief as ii made me recognize that I have had this issue lingering in my mind and heart for over ten years now and have never truly 100% forgiven God for allowing man to damn our lives and livelyhood. Knowing now that I have to let go off all Godly Grief and turn all my pain and questions over to the Lord and to continue in faith as I have remained faithful to my walk with the Lord only full of questions.

I have found that in my education, career and in the courtroom the Lord has answered every prayer I have ever had and placed my faith in him for deliverance that has came to pass.

So as in continuing to document my life this is me this Spring 2015 as the Daffodils begin to bloom so do I. And I pray that by joining Eastridge I come even closer to the Lord and in service to my fellow believer and to strangers alike as I have been attending for several weeks now taking notes and trying to learn the scriptures given.

I pray that God continues to keep a close hand on me and ask his total forgiveness in these wee morning hours of “Godly Grief.” Seeking His Will, purpose and his face in times of need, sorrow and pain. Keeping my faith strong and no longer questioning God due to the damning of man with no just cause.

Asking for your prayer against “Godly Grief” and that I can have the strength to carry on.

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Eastridge Community Church March 1 2015

How to be Rich.

Teach the full counsel of the Lord. The more Americans make the less they give. Wealth has side effects. Rich people are different. Rich people are in denial. Rich = $150,000 Forbes ran an article and it was 5 million dollars in liquid assets. Nobody is rich but everyone knows somebody who is rich. Rich people are plagued by discontentment. The more a persona has the more he wants. Our appetite for stuff continues to grow. Teach those who are rich in the World not to be proud. 1 Timothy 6:17 Be humble. Proverbs 18 : 11

We should be prepared to thank God for providing for us not complaining. Do not be arrogant. Put your hope in God. Has our hope migrated from God to our riches? Why hope in wishes when  you can hope in the one who provides riches?

My next step is Starting Point at Eastridge Community Church. I have not moved my letter since a little girl at Oxford Baptist but have attended several churches regularly as an adult but plan to move that letter to Eastridge Community Church next Sunday March 8th.

Starting Point is your opportunity to become a Ministry Partner with Eastridge.

Many churches call their committed church goers “Members” But membership applies a certain set of rights and privileges. We believe that the Body of Christ is made up of many parts, all of which are equally important. The Church is not a country club rather it is a group of believers who are partnering together to fulfill the Great Commission of Jesus.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. Matthew 28 : 19 – 20

So Eastridge prefers the phrase “Ministry Partner” instead of Member. Ministry Partnership includes attending, serving, giving and participating in biblical community. This journey begins at Starting Point. We offer our Starting Point class where you’ll learn the vision and values of Eastridge. This two hour class will introduce you to several ministry leaders and give you the chance to dialogue with each one. There will be plenty of time for questions, a tour of the campus, and time for fellowship too. We will discuss what a disciple looks like and some steps to growing in your faith. And at the end of the class you’ll have an opportunity to become a Ministry Partner with Eastridge Community Church. Sign u on the Connect Card at the Connect Center or by emailing us at StartingPoint@eccmail.org once you sign up you will receive additional details about the class.

Attend Church regularly on Sundays.

Connect with others and build relationships.

Serve on a Ministry Team.

Reach the World.

Love God. Worship and Abide. Love People. Connect and Contribute. Reach the World. Reach and Multiply.

Am I Attending and Sacrificing? Am I Seeking and Following? Am I, developing relationships and growing? Am I serving and applying my Gifts? Am I loving my Neighbor and going to  the Lost? Am I being Discipled in Order to Disciple?

I certainly hope through my blogging every Sunday I am loving God, loving people and reaching the World through my Covington News blog and my WordPress blog. I have the best lecturer in the world in Honorable Ozburn. If all elected officials could be so kind, gently, understanding, warm and inviting our World would be a much better place. Oh how we would be in such a better world. I was fortunate enough as  a young girl to have Honorable Ozburn as my private family law attorney in the courtroom of Honorable Virgil Costley at the time. My aunt was given legal custody of me and my life was on its way. I was able to graduate high  school, work at Ridgecrest Baptist Conference Center as a daycamp counselor, go on to adopt three step – daughters and have two biological children, go on to graduate college at Dekalb Technical College with my internship with Esquire Mr. John Strauss, Sr., I would have never made it as a young girl had Honorable Ozburn not been a part of my life and such a big influence over the rest of my life and the decisions I have made. Now working in the health field with the mentally and physically ill and the elderly and attending Honorable Ozburns lecture study on Sundays I hope to continue to bear good fruit by sharing the Word with my community and the World at WordPress.

By sharing in Honorable Ozburn’s lectures I hope you can feel and understand the love and warmth of Eastridge Community Church.

1 John 3

God is Love 1 John 4 :8

1 Corinthians 13 4- 8

Love is Patient, Kind, Rejoices in Truth, Protects, Trusts, Not boastful, not proud, not rude, not easily angered, not self seeking.

If the Love of Christ is in your heart you will demonstrate it and you are to live it.

Through the Holy Spirit we can have this Love.

John 20

Jesus shows his hurts to the room and breathes the Holy Spirit of God on them. They were all glad to see the Lord. He charges them As the Father has sent me I always and also send you.

1 John 3 :16 By this we know Love because He laid down his life for us.

As John was sitting right there with him. The good Shepard laid down his life for others. For believers and the whole world.

Phillipians 2 :3 – 4

Just as he modeled for us we are called on a day by day basis to lay down our lives.

Whoever has this Love sees the worlds goods and sees his brother i need and shuts up his heart in him. It has to be demonstrated and it must be shown.

Last written words as by Jesus side was John the disciple. Not in word or tongue but in deed and truth.

You can get to a point where you reject the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will become second nature and become part of your heart.

1 John 4 1 – 6

V1 What spirit does John refer to here? The spirit of a teacher or prophet or preacher. Looking for deception. Test these things that are occurring. Where are they coming from ?

How do you test?

False prophets are coming out of the Wood Work especially on the Internet. If you do not have a foundation then everything is relative.

You must consider what is at stake. Your Eternal Salvation. Your Eternity.

When confronted by people who claim to be prophets ask what Scripture is that based on?

It broke John’s heart it needs to break our hearts too.

God created Satan as an Angel. God has control over everything. Satan know he is going to hell. God is waiting to return so more people can hear of the Word. we are to be reaching people with the Word.

What all is at stake?

Our Eternal Salvation.

Growing during Grief.

“Godly Grief.”

You can turn bitter or you surrender and let him grow in you.

I feel that I could go on for hours about Godly Grief.

I have suffered Godly Grief and gone on to love Jesus even more and to give more of my life over to him and to become more successful than I ever was before during my marriage. As there has never been not one single question, hint, suggestion, implication nor accusation as to any wrong doing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife but yet I have spent years alienated from my daughter’s I know in my heart of hearts that we will be together again one day soon in the very near future as my youngest daughter grows older and I plan to show her all the advocacy I have had my hands in for her and her sisters since 1994 to present. I just keep knowing and praying that the Lord will provide for me and show me His Will and His purpose.

As through Godly Grief I have grown even closer to the Lord and closer to all my goals I have set in my life.

The Spirits to test are the Spirit of People.

The Holy Spirit needs to lead you. Thee are liars to mislead people. Children you test those spirits.

Have a foundation. It is like a drill and we can learn scripture and where to bare it on.

When your studying scripture and examining your heart. You have a Spirit that follows him or not. You cannot sit on the fence. You must surrender to him or you are not saved.

The Bible is powerful. It has changed more lives than any other book. It does not contradict itself. It stands up to Scrutiny. You need to be prepared to discuss the Bible and where to find it in the scripture.

If somebody is attacking your beliefs it goes deeper. You have got to make the decision Am I “In” or “Out?”

The key is Eternity. Eternity hangs in the balance. There was no New Testament at the time but now we have “No” “Excuse.”

1 Theselonians 5 :21 Test all things.

Tiitus 1 : 9He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Be zealous about this.

This testing is all our responsibility. What are we to use? John spoke of “Jesus Christ” the Messiah and Savior. The liar creates false Doctrine.

Matthew 2 : 4 – 5

2 Peter 2 : 1-3 written 2000 years ago.

When you teach you are held to a higher standard.

1 John 3 : v 24

Abides in. Living in. Resides in.

Romans 8 : 14

Ephesians 5 : 18 – filled with the Spirit.

The fruits of the Spirit. Love.

1 John 3 : 23

Believe in Jesus and Love one another. We are to believe and we are to Love.

Continuing to grow in faith at the very heart of the matter of my life is truly a wonderful experience for me.

God has allowed me to go blameless my entire adult life as a mother and as a wife. God has provided for me an education and a career in the health field even though I was parentally alienated and estranged from my daughters due to family violence and my health at the time. I am continuing to grow and have decided to go  right to the heart of the matter and  learn even more by attending Honorable Ozburn’s lectures.

I have also attended Celebrate Recovery many times and plan to continue to attend on Thursday’s. Hoping to continue to bear good fruits in my career in the health field, share the Word of God and continue to grow spiritually myself. Praying for healing of “Godly Grief.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being led to deliver and share the Beatitudes of Celebrate Recovery

Being led to deliver and share  the Beatitudes of Celebrate Recovery

The eight Recovery Principles based on the Beatitudes

1. Realize I’m not God, I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor. Matthew 5:3

2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him and that He has the power to help me recover.

Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

3. Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.

Happy are the Meek. Matthew 5:5

4. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.

Happy are the pure in heart. Matthew 5:8

5. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants me to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires. Matthew 5 :6

6. Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt and make amends for harm I’ve  done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

Happy are the merciful. Happy are the peacmakers. Matthew 5 : 7 ,9

7. Reserve a daily time with God for self examination. Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His Will for my life and to gain the power to follow his Will.

8. Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.

Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires. Matthew 5:10

Thoroughly enjoying attending Eastridge Community Church. To come the 12 Steps and their Biblical Comparisons.

Please join me at Celebrate Recovery on Thursday nights to Celebrate “your” Recovery with me as I journey through my life. I’d love to have you.

Working in the health field as a personal support assistant I hope to be able to apply the Eight Recovery Principles based on the Beatitudes and The 12 Steps and their Biblical Comparisons. Working closely with The GA Mental Health Consumer Network to obtain my Certified Peer Specialist  certification I feel that these steps will greatly benefit me in my journey even further into the health field.

 

 

 

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Celebrate Recovery Eastridge on Sanity

Working this week on publishing the Eight Recovery Principles based on the Beatitudes and the 12 Steps and their Biblical Comparison.

But if you will take a Thursday evening to come to Celebrate Recovery you may get your own Newcomer’s paperwork and book along with bulletin listing these for you.

New Hope Diner – Dinner is at 6:00 p.m.

Worship & Teaching /Testimonies in the Worship Center 7:00 – 8:00

Open Share Groups 8:00 – 9:00

Solid Rock Cafe in the Activity Center 9:00

Don’t do recovery alone seek out accountability and sponsorship.

Celebrate Recovery is a Biblical 12 Step Program.

Me and Ken attended Celebrate Recovery tonight at Eastridge Community Church where we have been going to church. I have attended Celebrate Recovery many times but tonight was Ken’s first time so I attended the Newcomer’s meeting with him welcoming the Newcomer’s to Celebrate Recovery. It was a wonderful service tonight and I was very excited to get a copy of the book “Your First Step to Celebrate Recovery” How God can heal your Life. John Baker

You matter. You are not alone. The possibilities are endless.

SANITY

Principle 2

Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that he has the power to help me recover.

“Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Step 2

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

SANITY

Strength

Acceptance

New Life

Integrity

Trust

Your Higher Power

Strength – God is our refuge and our strength, an ever – present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear. Psalm 46:1

Acceptance – Accept one another, then, for the glory of God, as Christ has accepted you. Romans 15:7

New Life – When someone becomes a Christian he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same anymore. A new life has begun. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Integrity – Nothing brings me greater joy than hearing that my children are living in the truth. 3 John 4

Trust – It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe. Proverbs 29:25

Your Higher Power – While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Leader’s Focus Question

What do you keep repeating over and over again expecting a different result? What result are you looking for?

The Lord has certainly comforted me during dark hours. Many dark hours I have turned to him and been comforted.

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The signs of new life are in the air near home. Spring is on the way. With this new growth also comes a new life for me. I thank you all for such sweet encouraging messages and comments. If I have not thanked you please know that I care deeply and do appreciate the care an concern. It is a cold rain here tonight. No snow so far. I do not believe we are going to see any but had this bloom on my mind and given so I have been wishing the snow away considering the life that has begun to blossom near home. Have a good night. Going to try and get some rest now. Lovingly, April

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The “Me” living with COPD. The first day of the rest of my life. February 2015

The “Me” living with COPD. The first day of the rest of my life. February 2015

As I posted to update everyone yesterday I was diagnosed not only with Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency but also COPD by my Pulmonologist through Gwinnettt Medical. I am scheduled to have Pulmonary Function Tests performed on Friday at Newton Medical to be sent to my specialist. I am waiting on the results of my Alpha 1 blood serum levels to come back to determine just how bad the Alpha 1 is effecting me. I found out in 2000 following my youngest daughter being very ill that I am a genetic carrier of Alpha 1 with a phenotype of MZ. I have several other family members with Alpha 1 as  well including both my biological children and adopted step children. We were all diagnosed through Scottish Rite in 2000.

I have also been a smoker and only have myself to blame. I am not asking for your pity nor sympathy only your prayer’s and understanding and to know that I am going to be working very hard and diligently on quitting smoking. It is a demon though as I thoroughly enjoy the times I am able to smoke. Which is not all the time but it has been enough to effect me with COPD clearly even given that Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency is the unsung cause of emphysema. You get what is called inherited emphysema in the genetic world and I am a carrier so the smoking only causes exacerbation in the Alpha 1 patient.

I had inflammation of the lungs and was only receiving about 80% oxygen at the time I was admitted to Gwinnett Medical. Being sick has truly affected my life emotionally and physically along with interfering in my career. I have been released to go back to work and am working on getting  back to my hours just as soon as possible. Thankfully my employer has worked with me since my illness an being in the hospital.

I thank you all so much for your kind words, encouragement, support, understanding and support that has been shown to me over the last month by friends and family and hope that you can now understand and know that I am beginning a new life. A life style change is at hand and I am determined to begin living a healthier life and not take one moment for granted.

I am younger than my grandmother was who was diagnosed with emphysema at 49 and passed away before her 50th birthday. I was ten years old and remember it like it was yesterday as I lost my grandmother and my best friend to Cancer.

I plan to continue to document the rest of my days living as an online memoir into my life and living with Alpha 1 and COPD so that I may track my life and progress made. Today marks my first full day of knowing I have COPD and I wanted to document it and share my story. After finding out yesterday I came home showered and went straight to bed very early and slept all night. Living life being very scared now and hoping for the most and best positive outcome of living with COPD. I plan to continue to see the specialist through Gwinnett Medical.

I thank you for you kindness and understanding.

The “Me” living with COPD. The first day of the rest of my life. February 2015

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Living with COPD

The doctor wanted to see me today to confirm with me that I am an Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency carrier and that my phenotype is MZ. Of which I already knew. He ordered lab work from Quest Diagnostics for my Alpha 1 serum levels and the blood work should be back tomorrow according to he lab.

The doctor confirmed today also that I have COPD. Trying to deal with the news of all this and continue to cope and balance my life. This will certainly be a life style change for me. Thank you to everyone for the prayer’s.

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