Often madness

Good Morning, coffee and muffins. A dear friend of mine, James gave me a dozen muffins. Blueberry, Vanilla and Orange. Waking up and getting ready for class. Hoping to teach a class today. Teaching of self – help is so important to me as it guides and directs you to better days full of inspiration, hope and achieved goals. A world where dreams come true come from within. You create your own calm and serenity. I got the order yesterday from the hearing pertaining to my 14 year old daughter, I will more than likely not being seeing her for the holidays this year as she has for some reason or another made the decision that she no longer wishes to be a part of my life. We were appointed a therapist conduit our communication and if she cannot provide this service Mr. Sasser is to get a PO Box for our correspondence and gifts. As there has never been any wrongdoing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife and the fact that up until a few weeks ago she wanted to be a part of my life, I am convinced that she has been coerced into saying she no longer wants to be in my life. In 2011 she met with the Judge in his chambers and expressed to be a part of my life and therefore was the Order for our full and open loving relationship. She has since changed her mind. The therapist testified she is unsure as to why my daughter does not want to be a part of my life. Adding that her father had not seen any evidence of coercion on her father’s part. Further adding, that any effort to force the minor child to have contact with me would cause my daughter to be even more embittered against me and cause irreparable harm to our relationship. My daughter is to be told that our therapist will act as a intermediary for communication between us. My daughter is to be informed of this arrangement to enable her for communications with me if she so chooses. The Court enters the order to protect my daughter’s best interest and to hopefully enable us to have contact in the future. The Court encouraged all parties to attend some form of family therapy. However, the Court is not ordering that the parties do so based upon the age of my daughter. The therapist said she ran across her photograph on the Internet where I have been working with State Representatives, Mr. Rick Jeffares and Mr. Andy Welch on Charli Savannah’s Law and that it upset her to see her photograph in this nature on the Internet. I hope with time and understanding and loving communications that she will once again desire to be a part of my life. This is very hard for me to accept and I hope that in the near future she will come to know and realize that all of our wins in open court to our behalf, Charli Savannah’s Law, my continued education and my complete devotion to her and my children’s lives will be made apparent to her and that she will grow to understand the truth. She is now 14 and it will not be long until she is a young adult lady and I will be able to present to her myself the truth of these matters and that it has had an utterly shattering impact on my life and that I have fought the long hard battle of our many wins alone in fear and that we have overcame our estrangement by her father. I am hoping that the holidays bring upon some form of bonding between us and that it enables us to express to one another the love and life she has always expressed to be a loving part of. Me and my attorney and many therapists have discussed it is just the same as the death of a loved one. No difference in the level of pain and and anguish that it causes and that comes with this decision she has made all of up and a sudden. I ask for your prayers and uplifting this holiday and to cope with me as I struggle through this chapter of my life praying for answers to this uncertainty and burden she is carrying around in her heart. I thank you for all your support over the years and pray that this season is gentle on our mind’s and heart’s. I have photography of very happy, healthy, clean and nurtured children for over ten years and there has never been any wrongdoing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife ever presented, still carrying on and pressing forward to remain the pillar of my community and in motherhood that I have always lived. The life where my children have always came first and so did my marriage. Please know and understand that I am trying my best not to fall apart this holiday and hope to endure through this madness without losing my mind. As these issues have caused me great depression in the past and a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has been identified in my life. Praying for Jesus presence as I attempt to stay strong in my education and my love of life. This madness has often  made me shaky and in struggle to understand how in the hell all this has came to pass between me and the close loving relationship I always shared with my daughter’s. 3 that I adopted and my own biological. I pray that Jesus is a comfort for me during the holidays and feel strongly in my heart that Jesus has even something better in store for our futures.

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