Reading along in Let Your Life Speak a quote that continually comes to mind is That insight is hidden in the word vocation itself, which is rooted in the Latin for “voice.” Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live – but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.
Parker J. Palmer
Being nominated for full scholarship for training classes in the CPS Certified Peer Specialist field is a dream come true to me and a program that I am proud to be a part of for this State.
My children are my identity. They identify and edify me. I am needing to determine if it is time to change this course or continue on this road until I have the full, loving and powerful reunification process with my daughter’s. My girls.
I can only hope and pray that I am not expected to just forget about my daughter’s. I often fight the urge of writing about them and pray that the urgency will leave my body,mind and fingertips as I miss them throughout each and everyday. Go to bed one night and wake up the next day to have your children gone for no justifiable reason whatsoever. A reason that has never been justified. A reason that still lingers long and hard in my heart. A reason that the State has made right but the mind and heart long remembers.
Mr. Sasser has had 20 years. 10 years of a marriage and 10 years of a divorce and visitation hearings if he has ever had a complaint. I have NEVER had not one single hint, suggestion, implication or accusation to my direction about any wrongdoing as a mother nor as a wife. No wrongdoing per my mothering or my wifely obligations in 20 years now to present year.
I am hoping in reading Let Your Life Speak (Listening for the voice of Vocation) that I will be able to find a clear determination and answer as to whether or not I should continue to blog of this part of my life and the facts of the chronological sequence of events and history that has occurred between me and my marriage and my daughter’s. A nightmare that has never been rectified. Even though justice was finally served by the State there has still been no reunification process and my youngest daughter continues to think and believe, God only knows what about her mother. Me. Me, her mother and life long advocate and survivor of marital and family discord and abuse survivor. Abused by many, including an ex husband, per factual records and abused by this State in the past.
There is no excuse to the hell that I have been expected to endure. I have been an advocate for children for 20 plus years now including all my daughter’s. Not just my own biological daughter but also the three that I adopted per a very abusive and neglectful past that is of public record. My advocacy did not just begin as of recent and I have led a long road of support for all my daughter’s. There has been nearly 1,000 Certified Peer Specialists since 2001 to present and the requirements consist of : Candidates must have a diagnosis of mental illness or a dual diagnosis of mental illness and addictive disease and must desire to identify themselves as a person with a mental illness current or former consumer of mental health services. This information comes straight word per word from the Certified Peer Specialist pamphlet that is handed out to interested applicants. Straight from my CPS to me.
I am telling myself tonight that I have past proven my point to this State and have found justice but just where does the advocacy stop? Do I put an end to it and wait for my daughter to come around or do I continue to blog of my feelings, aches, hurt and damages suffered? Is there more to show to this State and Nation or is my work done? Leaving behind the positive affirmations in the O.C.G.A. law books that clearly speak very loud and clear for family abuse victims, those parentally alienated, the mentally challenged and for parental reunification process. I plan to share of my life even further with the Mental Health Courts of The Alcovy Judicial Circuit sharing more of my achievements with the courts. Such as being a graduate of The Respect Institute, a graduate of New Rock Day Services program, my path to becoming a CPS Certified Peer Specialist and my nomination for full scholarship for training to become a CPS in the State of Georgia. It gets very hard at times disputing the negative self talk. I have found that learning to dispute negative thoughts takes time and practice, but that it is worth every minute of effort. It has been brought to my attention that once you start looking at it, you’ll probably be surprised by how much of your thinking is inaccurate, exaggerated, or focused on the negatives of the situation. Whenever I am aware that I am becoming depressed, angry, anxious or upset, I use my feelings to reflect on my thoughts and put them into perspective and into a positive note for advocacy or gaining a new accomplishment in life. I often find a quiet place to sit where I cannot be interrupted and close my eyes and focus on all the good things about myself and the fact that the state has consistently been in agreement with me and my life and now to be able to share with the state my achievements and plans is at the top of my list. Such as the fact that I am a The Respect Institute graduate and that I have been making application to becoming a Certified Peer Specialist and that I have currently as of March been nominated for a full scholarship for training in the CPS field. I am so thrilled to have been nominated and hope to receive the scholarship only to further and better myself on my path of becoming a CPS for the State of GA. helping others complete their life’s goals and dreams too.
Being nominated for full scholarship for training classes in the CPS Certified Peer Specialist field is a dream come true to me and a program that I am proud to be a part of for this State. As of March of this year I am officially up for full scholarship for a 3 day training program and hope to receive the scholarship and continue with my goals of working hand in hand with the State and the Mental Health Courts.
I plan as I have done so in the past to continue to enlighten the Mental Health Courts of New Rock Day Services program, The Respect Institute of which Sheriff Ezell Brown has been a guest speaker of and of the Certified Peer Specialist program that I am an active part of in training and in hopes of receiving scholarship for further training. The training is in April, I should know something over the next couple of weeks of acceptance for the classes.
I am hopefully well on my way to becoming a CPS for the State of GA and by doing so furthering my point to this State of GA. the only downside is our, me and my daughter’s, having to be separated and alienated with suffering and loss for me to have to stand alone and prove these points. My life is living testament to this State and I plan to continue to bare good fruits and to relish in its fruition.