It is about 8:45 and I had just finished blogging of the O.C.G.A. being my Voice of Vocation. I lay down and as I lay thinking. My thoughts are so torn and shattered. How do you let go of something when you are so grief stricken that at times you can hardly feel or think straight? How do you recover from such damning abuse of the system? Even though this state of GA has rectified their mistakes I will most likely never heal. Never to be the same independent strong woman that I once was. I grow everyday and try becoming more and more like the me I used to be but I stay so grief stricken and hard hearted that it often times makes it impossible not to cry and not to ache due to parental alienation for years now. Go to bed with everything wonderful and blissful with you and your young children to awaken the next day to them being gone forevermore. This has happened to 4 of my 5 children and has left me heartbroken and full of sadness and contempt.
What once was very open, loving fulfilling relationships went to nothing in one short day. One day of my being hospitalized for family violence, marital abuse and depression at Peachford. Never losing any rights to my children but being separated and alienated from visiting or being with them. What was nearly a 15 year relationship was gone forever even to present date.
With no hint, suggestion, implication nor accusation of wrongdoing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife. Not ever to be mentioned.
Working on dealing with emotional pain. Where does emotional pain come from? What does emotional pain feel like? What kind of situations, events or relationships in my life can lead to emotional pain? How have I dealt with emotional pain in the past? What actions in my day to day life show me I might be dealing with emotional pain? Are these actions working for me? What can I do differently to deal with my emotional pain? Is there any guidance in God’s word about dealing with emotional pain, and where can I find it?
As I lay thinking, I try to come to some sort of reasoning or answers to help me completely recover, heal and move on. But the O.C.G.A. is my Voice of Vocation and has been a part of my life for 20 years now with 5 children involved.
Going to be aching tonight for my daughter’s touch. Her understanding and her love. Their heart’s what they once were.