Asking for Forgiveness of “Godly Grief”
Doing some research on “Godly Grief” and seeking out even more answers to its explanation. As explained by Honorable Ozburn in lecture group. I feel that being estranged and suffering from parental alienation ten years ago that it would have been very easy for me to be mad at God and give up on my faith. I must admit that I have questioned God and wnted to know why and to know his Will and purpose to my scenario.
Being hospitalized in August of 2004 for family violence, depression and Codependency as the caregiver of others with drug and drinking problems began my problem given the courts restricted my contact with my daughters due to being in the hospital. It was like overnight I lost my four girls. I have written time and time again that even though I have been blameless in my marriage and motherhood I have still had to suffer this estrangement.
As there has never been one question, hint, suggestion, implication nor accusation as to any wrong doing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife during the entire twenty plus years I have known Mr. Sasser and Mr. Sasser has been fairly represented throughout the years and during our divorce and visitation hearings.
So him nor his family have ever had any complaints or accusations as to my mothering or to my wifely obligations.
I have thanked God over and over for leaving me blameless and blameless in a court of law and asked God for His Will to be shown to me.
I have never turned from God nor cursed him. I have always prayed for strength, healing and his purpose be shown to me. And have drawn closer to the Lord over the years. Praying fervently for Jesus to take these prayers of mine to his heavenly father and to grant me my prayers. I can certainly relate to Godly Grief though as I have questioned him and felt all along that I could have just as easily turned from God but instead I chose to lean more on him and his Will.
I had the pleasure of listening to Honorable Ozburn speak on “Godly Grief” and during the time in his life of the death of his mother. He kept his faith strong and steadfast even during the grief but did experience Godly Grief.
I have found this:
Godly grief leads us to realize we have sinned not just against other people, but against God. We put ourselves under judgment, we repent, and then we can turn from the sin we now hate and trust God to guide us and forgive us. This grief enables us, like the Corinthians, to be reconciled with everyone.
Worldly grief makes us regret our sin because it pains us—it brings us punishment, or upsets our life. We don’t recognize that in sinning we are opposing and rejecting God, and so we work to escape the pain, but not to turn toward God.
Paul could hardly be more blunt about the difference between the two kinds of grief. Worldly grief leads, quite simply, to death. But godly grief, the kind he was so happy to see in the Corinthians, “produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret” (7: 10).
I have had my hand in the O.C.G.A. since 1992 when my biological son was born and then upon meeting my ex husband and raising his three daughters as my own and adopting them in 1999. Given their natural mother was abusive and full of remiss and neglect through many years which is documented in the court system and Mr. Sasser and his family are all aware of this long history of abuse record that has been authenticated and proven in open court prior to my adopting the three girls. Yet Mr. Sasser has allowed a relationship between then even during young teenagers and allowing two of my girls to quit school with parental permission. To just give up on their education.
I have certainly left my mark on the O.C.G.A. and have asked God what the purpose of this has been for me, my children and future generations to come.
Adoption in the State of Georgia is a very difficult task and includes the following :
Independent Adoption Report – State of Georgia
I. Verification of allegations contained in the petition
II. Circumstances under which the minor children came to be placed for adoption
III. Whether the proposed adoptive parent is financially, phsically and mentally able to have the permanent custody of the minor child
IV. The physical and mental condition of the minor children to be adopted
V. Whether or not the adoption is in the best interest of the minor children
VI. Suitability of the home to the minor children
VII. Other information – References
Four references were obtained on myself, Leslie Syles, school counselor, Julie Manders, school counselor, Mark Zielenske, family friend, Charles and Dot Sasser. All of the references support the adoption of the minor children by the petitioner, April Christina Fuller Sasser
I have also prayed for answers to being alienated from my girls by Rockdale County due to being a family violence victim and in the hospital for recovery and why no attorney involved did anything to help me and my girls. I have been introduced to View Point Health and The GA Mental Health Consumer Network over the last few years and have came to discover the following regarding Certified Peer Specialists through the State of Georgia.
I want this state of GA to know that there have been 1000+ Georgia Certified Peer Specialists Since October 2001.
And the requirements include:
> Candidates must have diagnosis of mental illness or a dual diagnosis of mental illness and addictive disease and must desire to identify themselves as a person with mental illness current or former consumer of mental health services.
> Applicants must hold a high school diploma or GED and may be requested to provide a copy of this document.
> Must demonstrate strong reading comprehension and written communication skills as indicated on their responses on the pre – test which is part of the application.
> Must have demonstrated experience with leadership, advocacy or governance.
> Must be well grounded in recovery
These facts are taken directly from the Certified Peer Specialist brochure.
The motto of the CPS being “Each One Reach One.”
Any attorney involved could have helped me and my children as they all knew exactly where I was hospitalized and for the reasons of recovery from family violence and Codependency as the caregiver for Mr. Sasser. However no attorney involved bothered to help my girls and they were lost in a system that ruined their childhoods and their future immensely. Never still to this day to recover from losing their mother over night. None of them having any formal education and two quitting high school along with having many children over the last several years with no education, no job skills and no career path in mind. Mr. Sasser has allowed this remiss and neglect by and through his own action of neglect and hate towards me to impede his decisions where our girls have been concerned even though I have never been questioned not once about any wrong doing as a mother nor as a wife. I am not the perfect person and was not perfect during our marriage by any means but have remained blameless in life and in a court of law for over twenty years now.
Given Honorable Bills is the head of The Rockdale County Task Force against family violence why did Paul Oeland not inform her of my whereabouts or what had gone on? Why did Attorney Paul Oeland not challenge Mr. Sasser given all the facts above and then some. 5 lives were ruined by attorney’s incompetency throughout the course of the divorce. Attorney Paul Oeland, Attorney Mike Waldrop and Attorney Michael Waters all did pretty much nothing for parental reunification process of me and my girls and did not help them so they would not become a statistic. Of which they have and I have no control over their lives being ruined.
I am not certain about my girls but I am sure that they too have suffered Godly Grief just as I have over the years. Given the divorce was based on irretrievably broken Mr. Sasser has never had complain one about my mothering nor my wifely obligations.
Praying so hard for ten years now not to suffer “Godly Grief.” And to not turn my back on God even though I have suffered immensely by the hand of man. I have felt that I have suffered by the hand of man and not by God. As God has never left my side and has given me and allowed for many wins of victory in open court regarding my girls since 2004 to present and allowed for me a career in the health field as I work to obtain my Certified Peer Specialist certification for the State of GA. God has continually provided for me even given the damning of man with no just cause to support their decision at one point in my life.
Planning on joining Eastridge Community Church next Sunday and becoming a Ministry Partner and continuing to give my life over to the Lord and continuing to pray for the reunification process of me and my four girls that I would love very much considering we lost contact over night as if we never knew each other just a little over ten years ago now.
I pray to be able to strike down any hint of “Godly Grief” that I may experience or begin to experience and be thankful everyday to the Lord for my successes in my education, my career in the health field and in the courtroom over the many years as he has answered every prayer I have ever had and has never in the long run let me down or left my side.
I suppose that in questioning God that is a form of “Godly Grief” and I need to get rid of any Godly Grief I may be experiencing and not let it hit me again. Working hard right now on “Godly Grief” and forgiving God and thanking him for everything but being honest in my talks with the Lord that I have experienced Godly Grief and continue to do so daily. Honorable Ozburn speaking on “Godly Grief” was certainly a class meant for me to be present at and hear. As I have never turned my back to God nor sinned against him due to the parental alienation I have questioned his Will and Purpose and why was man allowed to ruin the lives of me and my four girls.
Working on Godly Grief this Spring and planning on bringing it up at Starting Point class next Sunday at church and thankful that Honorable Ozburn spoke on Godly Grief as ii made me recognize that I have had this issue lingering in my mind and heart for over ten years now and have never truly 100% forgiven God for allowing man to damn our lives and livelyhood. Knowing now that I have to let go off all Godly Grief and turn all my pain and questions over to the Lord and to continue in faith as I have remained faithful to my walk with the Lord only full of questions.
I have found that in my education, career and in the courtroom the Lord has answered every prayer I have ever had and placed my faith in him for deliverance that has came to pass.
So as in continuing to document my life this is me this Spring 2015 as the Daffodils begin to bloom so do I. And I pray that by joining Eastridge I come even closer to the Lord and in service to my fellow believer and to strangers alike as I have been attending for several weeks now taking notes and trying to learn the scriptures given.
I pray that God continues to keep a close hand on me and ask his total forgiveness in these wee morning hours of “Godly Grief.” Seeking His Will, purpose and his face in times of need, sorrow and pain. Keeping my faith strong and no longer questioning God due to the damning of man with no just cause.
Asking for your prayer against “Godly Grief” and that I can have the strength to carry on.