Praying over 10 years ago with Kellye when my life was falling apart during my divorce and since having each and every specific prayer prayed that day answered and to have came to pass has always meant the world to me. She sat with me at the altar and held me as I cried uncontrollably and we prayed and she prayed over me and for very specific requests involving my divorce, children and career and livelyhood. Fortunately and by the grace of God and his good and divine purpose, plan and will for my life all our prayers were and have been answered over the last 10 years. God has shown up and been good and glorious.
Tonight being able to pray with Kellye and Mary and Mary’s husband Mike was such a beautiful blessing in my life. I have felt so down and out today even though I have tried to put my best foot forward and look my best for myself, my children, my peers and my community. Praying over me and very specific prayer requests tonight as Mike prayed for a full blessing in my life. Being able to have a moment of silence and quiet time with two of the most wonderful ladies I have ever known was such a good feeling. Growing up with Kellye at Oxford Baptist Church was certainly in God’s divine plan for my life and the days ahead that I would come to have to face.
Working during the summer of 1990 at Ridgecrest Baptist Conference Center as a daycamp counselor I gave my life over to the Lord and his will and purpose in my life that summer. I was the youngest daycamp counselor there that summer and have often visited since that summer staying at Ridgecrest which is now LifeWay.
In March of 2004 following the initiation of my divorce proceedings I took my youngest daughter to Ridgecrest for the Lord to see us and her. I asked him to please watch over us during the divorce and that I wanted to bring her to be in his loving presence. Since that year I have often asked myself what I have done wrong to deserve such alienation and estrangement from my 4 girls after raising them with such good care and attention. Knowing full well in my heart of hearts that it has been man that has damned us 5 ladies not the Lord. The Lord’s divine plan, purpose and will was for me to continue to leave a lasting legacy in the O.C.G.A. which I have done for myself and for children since 1992 to current. Man is what has kept me from my girls. Even given justice has been served time and time again and answered prayer in the courtroom I am still alienated from my 4 girls and still suffer the horrendous agony and nightmare of being kept from them day in and day out as if they have died which is exactly as it has been described to me by psychiatrists. I could not ask for any more from the courts even given I feel it may be time to file another contempt action against my ex husband but given my youngest daughter’s age I am not even certain if the courts would consider hearing another motion for contempt. It is also weighing heavy on my heart and a great possibility in my life to come. I pray for Mr. Sasser and his family every day and that given that Mr. Sasser and his family have never had not one single complaint against me as a mother nor as a wife I ask for God to guide them and to show me his full will and plan very soon as I do not know how much more parental alienation I can endure. I have been in recovery now from family violence, depression and codependency as the caregiver for 11 years including suffering from PTSD due to being parentally alienated even though justice has been served and we have prevailed time and time again in court. I want and long to know why my daughter does not wish to be a part of my life if that is in fact the case. What stories, excuses and lies has she been told about the truth of the matter?
Praying tonight for an answer into my circumstances of auto problems and not being able to effectively take preventative measures to take care of my health and wellness without an auto and not having a way to continue my walk with the Lord as I was just baptized recently at a re-dedication of my life to the Lord at Eastridge Community Church. I know that Satan is hard at work in my life and I have been searching for scripture that would and shall cast him down and out of my life.
Having a judge to declare you fully disabled and for the decision to be fully favorable has no place for nor does it warrant judgment nor shaming. I pray that as you read and follow my story you can understand that I typically do not share this with very many people and have felt it necessary to come forward with the fact that I have been deemed fully disabled to a variety of physical and mental health issues up to and including my divorce process being a part of the Disability proceedings. You know and see what I choose to show of my life and no single person is constantly actively involved in my life other than my boyfriend Ken whom I have been dating since last November. Fortunately and luckily for me I have a best and dear friend who is a make up artist for Merle Norman who helps keep me clothed and in make up as on most days I feel just terrible. She has gone above and beyond to try and boost my self esteem and to make sure that I look beautiful as often as she possibly can and I would have no true “colors” to my life without her.
I am surrounded by many great women mentors in my life but do not have a strong support system in place in the event of a tragedy or crisis as both my parent’s are deceased including my maternal, paternal and biological grandparents are all deceased. I am surrounded by many wonderful, giving and loving ladies in my life but I have been independent and self sufficient for over 11 years now and have depended upon myself to keep my needs met. Rent, utilities, food, clothing, an auto, somewhat of a pleasurable life to give me something to hold onto in order to continue to thrive in this world.
I am deeply grateful for Mary, Mike, Kellye, Ken and several close friends on facebook who have decided to be there for me during this time of crisis. I am forever indebted and ever so grateful. I do not take one single breath for granted. I remain in constant fervent prayer with the Lord as in a conversation with him daily. I hope to be able to continue my walk with the Lord and my fellow ministry partner’s at Eastridge and to continue to grow in the Lord carrying out his purpose, plan and will in my life. I pray that I will be able to continue with my career in the health care world as a nursing assistant and that I will one day soon obtain my Certified Peer Specialist certification so that I may work closely with the mentally challenged. I hope and pray to be able to begin a Step Study class in September at Eastridge and to continue with my hopes and plans of Stephen Ministry which has been rescheduled until January.
I truly thank you for allowing me to share my story with you and to continue following my plight against stigma and through my diagnosis of Alpha 1 and COPD.
As we prayed tonight I also prayed for my boyfriend Ken who is a Parkinson’s patient and suffers great neurological effects and damage from the debilitating disease. Our wreck at Easter of this year totaled his truck and left him with a spot on his spine that is being watched medically as he is supposed to begin to attend physical and occupational therapy I now have no way of getting him to his therapy appointments in Augusta and at The Atlanta VA. We are both in need of strong prayer now as we struggle through this trying crisis that has left us both stranded and grief stricken as we struggle together attempting to carry out the Lord’s will in our lives knowing that Satan has been hard attacking over the last several months attempting to belittle us to little or nothing at all. We are grateful for you and pray everyday that you will keep us in mind as you go to the Lord in prayer.
Spending this evening in the scriptures and strong scripture that will lure Satan back to his hell of a world and away from our lives as we pray that we are pleasing in the Lord’s eyes and to his will.
Thank you for allowing me to share and you may click on the Show More link to read my daily updates if you would like to or care to follow along with my life as well you may join me at my Covington News blog for the last nearly 4 years of my life.
Thank you again for allowing me to share with you.