The days horrible turn of events and brokenness
Having my evening coffee after a long grueling day of disappointment. Thankfully my brother Laroy sent my sister in law to take me auto hunting. I have found out today that I am going to require a larger down payment or a co signer from a couple of different places. A co signer is out of the question as I do not have a strong support system in times such as a crisis of this nature. With both my parents deceased and all my 6 grandparents as well. With little to no family help. I have been taking care of myself for the last 10 plus years and now my auto transmission has gone down on me. I have not had auto issues in over 10 years now so I have been very fortunate and blessed for the last 10 plus years but now find myself in a time of serious crisis and worry.
I worry over getting to and maintaining preventative and necessary health care. Physical and mental for that matter that is required in order for me to continue thriving. I find myself seriously heartbroken, worried,embarrassed and grief stricken with little to no support system in a time of need. I really and truly do not enjoy the fact of divulging to the entire world that I am considered fully disabled per Judges Order but given I am giving my background and history and a look into my world at The Covington News for the last nearly 4 years I have decided to make my friends and family aware that yes while uncomfortable I have been declared fully disabled by Judges Order in the Court of Newton County several years ago. I have also worked for the last year as much as Disability would allow me to do so as a nursing assistant in the health care world but now am stuck and stranded with no auto and no transportation to and from work, to and from the physician, to and from church, picking up prescriptions. So many worldly issues have arisen that I am no longer able to care for myself given my transmission has gone out on me as of recent and me to not have experienced auto issues in over 10 plus years. I must say it is pretty devastating and scary being all alone in this world as a single mother with no help and physical and mental disabilities limiting your lifestyle and effecting your livelyhood.
Guessing at this point in my life’s journey all I can ask for is your uplifting and prayer. If even given that is not to much to as for. Feeling at the moment that it is.
So very grateful for Mrs. Deb and Mr. Bruce these last few days of tending to my needs and helping me out. And very graciously grateful for those who have contributed to my Go Fund Me account. When I set it up I read over a young lady who had set up an account at gofundme for publishing her own book instead of going through a publisher or having to pay to have it published. I have gone from journaling to WordPress to The Covington News and pray daily for a blog to book endeavor I am very hopeful for. I never even imagined and I am sure that nobody in my life did either that I would work for a year as a nursing assistant assisting the physically and mentally challenged along with the elderly. But I have accomplished and met that long standing goal of mine. Now onto becoming a Certified Peer Specialist one day in my future given the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network will grant me the scholarship and the tools and classes necessary in order to obtain my CPS.
Mrs. Deb has kept me clothed, in make – up and with the uplifting and caring coffee breaks I have needed over the last few days so I owe her undoubtedly at the moment given I will never be able to repay her acts of unconditional kindness since last November to current. She has been a saving grace and angel sent into my life as that mother figure I have been praying for. I am so grateful for Mrs. Deb and Mr. Bruce has provided me transportation and little personal items that needed to be taken care of so I am prayerful tonight for Mrs. Deb and Mr. Bruce.
I know and realize that everyone is so busy in this big wide world and that you all have lives and families of your own to take care of . Just please know and realize how important journaling, blogging and photography are to me and my life and that I love sharing daily anyway at The Covington News of my life’s path and journey with the world and my followers. So I thank you for your undivided time and attention into my story and my being openly and genuinely sincere when I share my story of being fully disabled along with the genetic disease Alpha 1 and COPD including depression. I thank you for following along with my story and for understanding just how truly therapeutic blogging for me is and per doctors direct Orders.
I have church and an upcoming Step Study class in September that I really want to attend so I am very hopeful to somehow, someway have this resolved come September of the start of the Step Study class. Having to pray for the peace and patience to deal with this issue and problem that I am not accustomed to having to deal with on a daily basis.
I received a nasty judgmental email on my facebook page that really upset me and is still hurting me given I have asked no one for help in over 10 plus years as I have taken care of myself and not had the support system to turn to.
You may click on the links Subscribe to Updates OR Show More in order to share in my daily updates and posts if you care to follow along in my journey. As I have put a roof over my head, food on my table, utilities turned on, an auto, children and a career first and foremost over the last 10 plus years I am now in need of dire prayer and understanding and compassionate hearts in understanding that it is important in this stage of my life to share of my disability and of having a chronic invisible disease.
I thank you for allowing me to share and pray for your patience and understanding as I try and get through this trying experience that is now before me. Not expecting others to do for me as I would do for them. My expectations get my heart hurt and even make me question my belief and the true devotion and care and concern of even my church family.
Needing prayer to not have such high expectations of anyone anymore. Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned. Finally coming to a fork in the road gaining a greater understanding and comprehension of just how cold and dark the word truly can be and learning patience and serenity within myself so as not to have or put expectations on anyone. If you feel that I have unduly placed a high expectation on you or asked too much of you I deeply and regretfully apologize as that has not been my intent in sharing my story and need for help. I want to continue to thrive and survive and am just stuck in this world right now wondering and left to wonder how in the world I am ever going to make it now given I cannot even depend upon myself much less anyone else. Just very scared in my world at the moment.
Thank you for allowing me to share this evening and getting this off my heart.
Thank you Mrs. Deb as this is just truly how beautiful you make my world lifting my spirits and my self – esteem and self – worth. I could not ask for a greater mentor, friend or Christian in my life. Much love and thank you.