Yesterday I thought “Do I tire of the advocacy of family violence, parental alienation and the mentally challenged?” I thought long and hard on this and after much thought and digging deep it is not that I tire of the advocacy it is “That I tire of missing my girls.” I tire of the worry, pain, sadness, anxiety, depression, longing and for their safety and well being. I hope that my ex and his family are happy that in their quest to hurt me and alienate me from my girls which was the strongest weapon he could have formed against me given our bond and love for one another that along the way him and his family have only causes their demise and self – destruction. I have been the fortunate one. I have been in recovery for over 11 years now and have gotten the necessary therapy in order to heal and to continue to thrive and have spent the last year working in the health care world as a personal support assistant and nursing assistant. Along with 11 years of recovery. My girls however have not been so fortunate and have not had the same caregiver in their lives that I was for many years of their lives and are struggling just to make ends meet. I do not want to tell their stories here but do know as I thought that my ex and his family have caused their very demise in their quest only to hurt me out of pure hatred, nothing more and nothing less. And for no justified reason ever. As there has never been a hint, question, suggestion, implication nor accusation as to any wrong doing on my behalf as a mother nor as a wife. Not ever. Only to see my children hurting as grown adults given my ex’s decision and his families to alienate them from me. I can only begin to imagine what my 16 year old must be feeling and going through? None of them are doing well including my ex husband.
So with the changing of yet another season I ask myself once again what it is that I tire from as I sigh a huge bit of exhaustion in my life. Exhausted and drained from missing and worrying about my girls. Even given much success in the courts my ex and his family have still not complied with court Orders and court’s wishes nor in getting my girls the therapy they have so long needed that I always kept them involved in during my time with them. Longing for our bond and love once again as mother and daughter’s. It has been a travesty that all the while to try and suggest that because I suffered family violence and depression that I could not be in my girls lives and yet I have came out on top of the world and worked hard at doing so while my girls continue to self destruct in their lives as that is all they know and have obviously been taught and led to believe. What a travesty to their own demise that has been left prevalent in their lives.