Welcome December. Day 1 of 25 Day’s of Christmas 2015. Thought’s today of “The Caged Bird Sings.”
The Caged Bird singing of freedom reminds me of child’s play lost to never be found again. As the Caged Birds stands on the grave of dreams he opens his throat to sing.
Maya Angelou “Caged Bird”
Christmases past and child’s play lost forever. Only to be thrown into a world of fear, uncertainty and adulthood problems. Where shall I lay my head tonight? What will I have to eat today? Will I be able to provide shelter and food for my own children? Children with no education and no background in any formal high school nor college education left to fend for themselves at such a very young age. Even to present date they sing for Christmases past and days long ago when the world seemed perfect and full of cheer and delight. When child’s play and thought’s were that of childhood dreams and wishes that are still present and reside but have no way to sing aloud.
I have my Virginia Pine decorated and this lovely little gold bird rests with his nest at the top of my first live Christmas Tree since 2003. The very last Christmas my children spent together as a family and siblings after ten years.
My children have all been survivors and have pressed forward to spite life’s hardships and pain that they should have never been asked to cope with in the first place. It pains and aches me so.
Focusing now on what I can do on my part and behalf to rectify their livelihood and make dreams anew for them. Saddened that by the hand of man we were raped over the coals due to being family violence victims and me diagnosed as mentally challenged with Codependency as the caregiver and depression and were alienated and estranged. Ruining their lives forevermore. I know the truth now and it sickens me and brings me to tears to think of how their lives have been led. Even as of recent. Their life is their story to tell but I will continue to advocate for them to the best of my ability and share with the world a legal system that allowed 5 children to stumble and fall only causing them pain and hardship throughout the remainder of their days since our separation.
And to think I felt in my heart that my life had been hard? Only to hear of so much pain that my children have been asked and had to endure all due to the hand of man thinking it best to alienate us years ago. Even though rectified in the legal system years ago it has not been what was in the best interest of my children and grandchildren. Time has told the cold hard truth.
This holiday I hope to see more of my children and grandchildren and begin to make their lives easier to manage and cope with the realities of life. As I scroll over my facebook memories I have spent the last 15 months as a nursing assistant and now have the opportunity to participate in training through the GA Mental Health Consumer Network to become a Certified Peer Specialist for the State of Georgia continuing to work with the mentally and physically challenged and developmentally disabled.
Day 1 of 25 Day’s of Christmas has arrived and I must focus on the good, the positive and have a heart of gratitude as I enter into this new chapter of my life. Only praying for those who have hurt my children over the years by their hands and decisions made that were not in their best interest. Decisions made out of hate and spite only to ruin their very own livelihood and me left aching wondering and pondering on how to pick up all these pieces of pain left behind.
Sharing a little holiday cheer tonight with an ornament adorning my first live Christmas Tree in over 10 years. Only giving in to get a real one because of having a reunification process with my daughter and grandchild. So prayerful for her this week as she faces the most difficult days of her lives over the upcoming weeks and right here at the holidays. Her strength is astounding and her loving, kind and understanding heart lights her path and she is strong in her convictions and faith that she will pull through each and every tough battle life may bring her way. Continuing to share and tell of our story of the coming of life once again together as mother and daughter and grandmother. Please keep all 5 of my children in your prayer’s these 25 Day’s of Christmas as we remember the reason for the season.