Family and Personal Inventory

As I had gone public addressing “birth” family of mine that had insulted, cursed me out and called me bitch numerous times I find that it is necessary to voice my opinion  on my “family” and the fact that I have no (support system). As I have been studying for my Certified Peer Specialist exam I have been working closer with the WRAP Wellness Recovery Action Plan by Mary Ellen Copeland and where I already knew that a high support system is vital, crucial and important it has been brought to the forefront of my mind given my studies in becoming a CPS and my “Personal Inventory” through my Step – Study program at Eastridge as I work through the positives and negatives of those  who have hurt me  in my past.

My natural mother left my “birth” father when I was a young girl and these so called cousins of mine continue to troll my facebook page being my friend only under the pretenses of being nosy and threatening.

I for one cannot stand the spread of hate, stigma nor bullying.

These cousins have NEVER been a part of my life and are only my friends on facebook including my half sister and half brother whom things have been just fine with through out our history of facebook friendship.

My father was an alcoholic and has admitted this to me. He abandoned me and my mother physically, mentally and emotionally and has done so pretty much my entire life. I am not his only child he treats this way according to the family. But to be called a bitch and cursed out and threatened by birth cousins is horrific.

I will not be silenced when it comes to advocating for those who are survivors and thrivers of the foster home, corrections, psychiatric institutions, family violence victims, child abuse and neglect and the mentally challenged. All of which I have been a survivor and thriver in recovery from my entire life based on some adult who could not get their lives together and so I fell prey to their shortcomings. I have remained positive, hopeful, strong and determined no matter  how I was treated nor made to feel. And not only remained positive but took the necessary actions to :

Graduate high school, work as a day camp counselor at Ridgecrest Baptist Conference Summer 1990, Adopt 3 step – daughter’s, raise 5 children where I have NEVER been questioned as to any wrongdoing, remiss, neglect nor abuse on my part as a mother nor as a wife for that matter by anyone. NEVER to present date. Graduate the Business/Legal Office Administration program and Paralegal Certification interning with Esquire Mr. John  Strauss, Sr. at The Newton County Public Defender’s Office obtaining an A in my internship, working as a Paralegal and Contract Paralegal and Leasing Office Manager with excellent evaluations.

Since family violence incident in August of 2004 and my psychiatric hospitilization being diagnosed as Codependency as the caregiver to others with alcohol, drug and gambling addictions I along with diagnosis of marital discord and marital abuse. Since, I have gone on to graduate New Rock through View Point Health, taking and teaching many self – help and whole health wellness classes graduating their program along with the supported employment program, The ACT Program, GA Peer Support Institute, The Respect Institute and now completed all classes and training to sit for exam for my Certified Peer Specialist exam through The Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network where I will sit for exam in March of this year, in addition to spending the last 18 months working as a nursing assistant and personal care giver with many patients with physical and mental disabilities.

I feel that I have taken action in my life to combat the horrifying stories I carry in my mind and  heart of the foster care system, corrections and psychiatric institutions and being a family violence victim and I will not be silenced.

As I will not be silenced I have decided to work my “Personal Inventory” online for my Step – Study program here at Word Press for anyone who may care to follow me in this format and platform understanding even more about my past and my recovery. An entire life spent in recovery and now for the past 11 years from being mentally challenged of which a Judge has affirmed that Mr. Sasser is to blame for as well and a contributing factor.

I have never “downed” my cousins nor Aunt’s on that side of my family only voiced what it feels like to be neglected and abandoned by a parent.

I have an Aunt who according to my uncle who is always upfront, unconditional and honest with me to have this Aunt according to my uncle to be upset with me because my mother took her out of her last will and testament and did not leave anything to her nor her children so she has carried a grudge against me for over ten years now and has NOT been in my life whatsoever. Also according to my uncle hurting other family members with her monetary and worldly greed. It has killed me not being  part of her and her children’s lives but it is by their choice. I want them to speak up as to how I have possibly hurt them because myself nor any  doctor nor therapist can find a door or window of reasoning for her grudge and the fact she spreads hate and stigma through  out the family.

I have fallen prey to some very dysfunctional individuals who have only pushed me to work harder in my life. My birth mother and adoptive father are both deceased and so with them my “family” and support system has died to as a result and yes it is hard. Especially knowing they all come park themselves as my friend on facebook only to be judgmental, nosy and spread stigma towards me and to the world.

Celebrate Recovery

Moral Inventory Worksheet – The Negatives

The person and /or Event – Who and/or what is the object of my resentment or fear.

The Cause – What specific action and /or event hurt me?

The Effect – What effect did that action have on my life?

The Damage – What damage did that action do to my basic social, security, and /or sexual instincts?

My part – For what part of the resentment am I responsible? Who are the people I have hurt? How have I hurt them?

And you also continue with a “Positive worksheet”,I will journal my Inventory and also blog of what I can bring my heart to share. If you care to join my in my journey of a Step Study Inventory.

I have been a full time blogger with The Covington News for 4 plus years now and have always been honest and shared the truth and not been silenced in my advocacy and I will not be shoved into silence whereas family is concerned and the individuals who wonder where my family is at in my life.

My sponsor through Celebrate Recovery (no addictive diseases in my nature) may not approve of my going public with “My Inventory” but I have been chronicling my life for over 4 years now.

With much success in the Courts whereas my girls are concerned I have never given up on them,abandoned them nor acted in remiss, neglect nor abuse and have never been questioned of such behaviors by anyone but was alienated from them due to “My mental illness” according to my divorce decree in the beginning stages until further examination by the Court’s where I have had much success to our full behalf and this year having been assured by my middle daughter that I was an excellent mother and she had a great childhood. She is suffering and struggling with problems of her own due to no parental involvement in her life unlike when I was primary care giver. Dealing with issues that I never imagined she would be accused of and have to face. This is her story to tell, I have been there as a major support system for her though.

Unlike my birth family and Aunt and cousins, I have never neglected my responsibilities in the courtroom nor in life whereas family and my children are considered. And through adopting 3 step daughters and advocating for my rights of custody and visitation have been under the scrutiny of the Courts my entire adult life. My entire life as a  matter of fact and rest assured no stone has gone unturned.

Working further tonight into my Inventory to include my birth family, natural father, grandparent’s, aunt & uncle, adoptive father, ex husband, children, and working closely with View Point Health and The GA Mental Health Consumer Network.

I will not be silenced ever again in my life as during a time of incarceration over 10 years ago I had ALL reading and writing materials taken from me. No paper, no pencil, no biblical literature, no books. Nearly killing me being on a solitary confinement lockdown over an issue regarding someone whom he and I have never even had the pleasure of meeting. I have been upfront with the Editor of The Covington News of my story and have since had the requirements of the arrest and sentence terminated but it still lingers long and hard in my mind daily. I have briefly mentioned it and yes the courts are fully aware but I do not typically discuss it because of the fragile nature of the other persons life and out of respect and ethics for him even given I was falsely accused of the allegations.  It is in my past yes and requirements and sentence terminated but weighs heavy on my heart and mind daily.

Being able now to sit for exam for my Certified Peer Specialist exam  and working my”Inventory” through Step Study I intend to make this winter a rewarding one with a fabulous Spring coming up.

I will not be using facebook as a platform nor arena for my thought’s and feelings out of respect for my facebook family but I will be here at Word Press if you care to or plan to continue following me.

Having been a victim of child abuse and neglect, the foster care system, corrections and the psychiatric institution during a time off accidents, incidents and deaths in the State of Georgia has been a very long and hard road for me alone but I feel that I have been positive enough that I have accomplished much and bore great fruits.

If you educate yourselves, The Respect Institute and The CPS program teach you to tell your recovery story and that it is your greatest asset. Along with being an advocate.  I am also a member of Mental Health Justice Community where people share and tell their stories everyday. We will not be silenced.  http://www.mentalhealthjustice.net/

If I am NOT cursing you out, name calling, bullying nor slandering and you cannot take the heat of the facts of your own faults and blame in my life you may not want to continue to follow me but do not think for one instance you will silence me. I do not play to the conceited role that I am to keep my mouth shut. You have only furthered my intent and goal for  my life. Goals that always come to pass.

Thank you for joining me here at Word Press  and now onto the beginning stages of my “Inventory.”

Do all of you not realize that the way you talk to and treat others is a true reflection of your own self worth and self esteem? Being nasty and foul mouthed will never get you anywhere in life. It is degrading, despicable, detestable and down right uncooth. I make a remark with about 3 sentences in it about how to quit discussing me and to get off my friend’s list since you do not ” associate with me” and then everyone begins cursing, name calling, judging, slandering and being illegally and unethically immoral. Nikki even admits that she does nor know me but she sure does have plenty to say. And Amy you call me “*itch” once more and I will see you at the courthouse. You are all bullies and irrational individuals. I have plenty of life believe me. I have a boyfriend, children, an education and a career and live socially as well. So Amy the entire family tells me months ago to reach out to others and so I have done this and now here you are “insulting” me by stating that I sit around and dream about being family? I am a big enough person and capable of taking the high road and admitting that I do often think of my family and wish we were all closer. Do you not realize how that hurts to have you say that? Clearly though why I even bother asking you that is beyond comprehension because it is clear that every one of you just want to stir up drama and be bullies and threatening. You all have so much spewing from your mouth’s over someone you do NOT even know. I have not downed the family I resorted to calling my father a POS because that is the father figure he has shown me my entire life since birth. I was and still am the lady that was neglected and tossed away. What a deadbeat. I have fought inside and outside the courtroom for over 20 years for all 5 of my children and in life even adopting 3. I have had much success in the courtroom with the attorneys and Judges and i have had an amazing career as a nursing assistant and now have taken all classes necessary for a Certified Peer Specialist in the mental health field. Which clearly from your examples of writing you all suffer and could use a class or two in humanity, morality and ethics. Quit discussing me and no I do not “stalk” your facebook page, the thread came through my news feed so quit being delusional and otherwise fooling yourself. I have done and attempted as the family suggested months ago and this is the response I get? Just nasty and down right detestable. It makes me wonder if this is not exactly part of the reason my Mother left this family and introduced me to a better life and lifestyle. In addition to Donald being an alcoholic which has has admitted to me. The posts have already been printed so no sense in deleting now. If you care to carry on a conversation with me that is one thing but being downright nasty showing your own lack of self worth and self esteem is not necessary.

cpscertification

 

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