As I have been working through personal inventory throughCelebrateRecovery Eastridge and my ladies Step Study class answering the following questions : I have found myself over the last few weeks while working on the lessons and personal inventory depressed, saddened, heavy – hearted, detached from the things I love in life, lonely, scared, a handful of unpleasant feelings that remind me of my breakdown I had in August of 2004 consisting of family violence and marital abuse. I completed my lessons and the last lesson was beautiful mentioning Romans – No more guilt. This step begins to restore our confidence and our relationships and allows us to move from our “rearview mirror” living. In Romans 8:1 we are assured that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. “All of have sinned yet now God declares us “not guilty” if we trust in Jesus Christ, who freely takes away our sins. The “Con” is over. We have followed God’s direction on how to confess our wrongs. Four very positive things start to happen after we “fess” up. I have several individuals from my ex – husband to birth father to an aunt and including my girls whom I have no closure with which makes the personal inventory very hard on me as I have prayed for so long for closure with these people that mean the world to me and have my heart and life on hold. We have Moral Inventory Worksheets where we are to answer the “positives” and the “negatives” about our relationships. The person and or event, the cause, the effect, the damage, my part, the blessing. I have been journaling my answers and have completed my lessons with the last lesson being so beautifully placed in my life at just the perfect timing during my inventory but working this inventory has had me dancing with feelings that I do not like about my past and people I still love with all my heart yet have no closure with and have prayed over for many years. I am going to put my personal inventory away for the night and pray once again over this as I may not continue to journal this moral inventory as it has become a huge trigger for me and possibly not good for my health as I have not grieved most of this and have gotten past it and on with my life not dealing with these people and being taught and told that it is their loss not mine and I have dealt with the feelings of abandonment and neglect and let them go loving them care free from a distance. Not liking the way this personal inventory has been effecting my life though. Prayerful again tonight if I should continue with personal moral inventory.
“I think I will work a personal moral inventory on my adult daughter Brittany who has confirmed and affirmed for me as of recent that they (my girls) had a wonderful childhood and that I was an excellent mother to them and expressing how much she loved me.” She came and we walked a thousand miles together and I have not spoken to her in a while so it has me somewhat upset. I’ve been missing her but so happy for my son Tyler that he has been in a relationship with my youngest daughter for some time now. Such glorious news and feelings for me this brings my heart.”